i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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