I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
