my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The struggles of a small town man whore
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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