got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
