come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
