Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize