i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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