Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need water and some morals
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
