So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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