You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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