I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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