Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize