We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
