There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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