I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
