Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
