so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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