seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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