you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i now understand why vodka
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
