Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
being pregnant is like rehab
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
