Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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