i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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