woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
