Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
