True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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