fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
