Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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