LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
