pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
