I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
