Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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