I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
