: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
