well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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