Just cropdusted the office
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
