Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
