new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
