Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
