they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
