Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
