Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
being pregnant is like rehab
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
