Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
