If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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