What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
