you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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