she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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