Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize