do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
