Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize