aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
