IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
