i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
