It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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