I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
