i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
