Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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