Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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