Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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