I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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