i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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