Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
