census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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