Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
