she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
