I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize