you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
