when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
