I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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